Unlikable
What it's like to be different in a world that pretends to value difference.
I remember my first attempt at small talk.
I walked up to my kindergarten teacher and asked her what she was doing. She said, “What does it look like I’m doing?”
Wow. Okay.
I decided to leave her alone.
For days, I tried to figure out what I’d done wrong. People asked each other stupid questions all the time. That’s how they started conversations. For me, it didn’t work. People didn’t think I was trying to start a conversation. They just assumed I was stupid.
For most of my life, I tried hard to be likable. I followed the rules, at least as my strange brain understood them. Twenty years later, I was still having the same kinds of interactions.
I couldn’t even get compliments right. If I tried to say something nice to someone, it made them feel awkward.
School was torture.
Most of the time, I couldn’t tell the difference between teasing and bullying. Hugs confused me. If a guy asked me out, I couldn’t decide if he was serious or just kidding.
One time at a party, a girl smiled and flipped …